Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Funny Quotes From The Hangover Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Source:- Google.com.pk

Stu: “She is wearing my grandmother’s Holocaust ring.”
Alan: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”
“We’re not going to leave a baby in the room. There’s a fucking tiger in the bathroom.”
“Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.”
“Rainman took over a casino and he was a retard”
Sid (Jeffrey Tambor): “Remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for herpes. That shit’ll come back with you.”
Male Officer: Handsome your next (Talking about Phil) (Alan walks forward)
Male Officer: Not you fat Jesus
“Doug is probably dead, face down in a ditch and getting butt fucked by a meth addict”
“Whose baby is that?”
“Check its collar or something.”
Stu: “Am I missing a tooth?
“In the face! IN THE FACE!”
“Tracy (Sasha Barrese): “We’re getting married in five hours.”
Phil: “Yeah … that’s not gonna happen.”
Alan (to hotel clerk): Is this hotel beeper friendly? I’m not getting a signal. Where is your bank of pay phones?”
Dr. Valsh (Matt Walsh): “It’s on the corner of ‘get a map’ and ‘fuckoff.’”
Alan: “Next week’s no good for me. The Jonas Brothers are in town.”
“Paging Dr. Faggot!”
Alan: I’m sure you get this a lot, but is this really Ceasar’s Palace?
Hotel Clerk: What do you mean?
Alan: Did Ceasar really live here?
Hotel Clerk: No
Alan: Didn’t think so
Stu: “Why can’t we remember a goddamn thing from last night?”
Phil: “Because we obviously had a great fucking time.”
Stu: “Everyone says Mike Tyson is such a badass, but I think he’s kind of a sweetheart.”
Alan: “I think he’s mean.”
Alan: “I shouldn’t be here. I’m not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school. Or a Chuck E. Cheese.”
Alan: “Hey! There were skittles in there!”
(After Mr. Chow jumps out of the trunk, attacks them and runs away)
Stu: “Who was that?!”
Phil: “Why was he so Mean?!”
Stu: What do tigers dream of, when they take their little tiger snooze. Do they dream of mauling zebra's or Halle Berry in her catwoman suit. Dont you worry your pretty striped head were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cosy tiger bed and then were gonna find our best friend Doug. and then were gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug x9 But if he's been murdered by crystal meth tweakerrrs....well then we're shit outta luck
Alan: I'm with you, I'm with you!
Mr. Chow: You gonna fuck on me?
Alan: Nobody's gonna fuck on you, we're on your side. I hate Godzilla, I hate him too. I hate him. He destroys cities! Please! This isn't your fault, alright? I'll get you some pants. OW!
Phil: What the FUCK was that?!
Stu: I have internal bleeding.
Phil: That was some fucked up shit.
Alan: Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, 'Wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Tuesday, 25 March 2014

Funny Quotes About Work Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Source:- Google.com.pk

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
~ Muhammad Ali

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
~ Edgar Bergen

Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.
~ Al Capp

A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
~ Fats Domino

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
~ Henny Youngman

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
~ Drew Carey

When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'Whose?'
~ Don Marquis

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.
~ Will Rogers

The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.
~ Sarah Brown

A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.
~ William C. Feather

If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.
~ Claude McDonald

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
~ Phyllis Diller

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
~ Erma Bombeck

The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
~ Bove's Theorem

Unemployment is capitalism's way of getting you to plant a garden.
~ Orson Scott Card

In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.
~ Archie Bunker

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
~ Jerome K. Jerome

We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us.
~ Anonymous

The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.
~ George Bernard Shaw

There's something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living.
~ Karl Lagerfeld

My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning.
~ Anonymous

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon.
~ Anonymous

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
~ Robert Orben

I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this believe into a real thing!
~ Anonymous

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
~ Robert Frost

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.
~ Denise Miller

If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
~ Albert Einstein

Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you're just sitting still?
~ J. Paul Getty

God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
~ Bill Watterson

The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.
~ Ronald Reagan

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
~ Homer Simpson

I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
~ Homer Simpson

I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.
~ Homer Simpson

Lisa, if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
~ Homer Simpson

Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.
~ Pablo Picasso

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
~ Jim Murray

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Saturday, 15 March 2014

Funny Tshirt Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Source:- Google.com.pk

1. So many men, so few who can afford me.
2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.
3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.
4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just can't remember it all.
5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.
6. Princess, having had sufficient experience with princes, seeks
frog.
7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.
8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.
9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
10. Dinner Is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
12. I'm out of estrogen-and I have a gun.
13. Guys have feelings too. But like...who cares?
14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
15. I hate everybody...and you're next.
16. And your point is...?
17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
19. Of course I don't look busy...I did it right the first time.
20. Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
22. All stressed out and no one to choke.
23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?
25. Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.
27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?
I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.
Next mood swing: 6 minutes.
I hate everybody, and you’re next.
Please don’t make me kill you.
And your point is…?
I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.
I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.
Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.
You KNOW you want me.
Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…
Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.
Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?
Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won’t go away?
Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.
If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.
Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.
I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun
(1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn’t!
(2) I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
(3) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
(4) You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
(5) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.
(6) I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.
(7) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
(8) NyQuil – The stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
(9) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
(10) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
(11) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
(12) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
(13) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
(14) MOP AND GLOW – Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
(15) Frankly, Scallop, I Don’t Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)
(16) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Random Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Source:- Google.com.pk

0 , Girl: Hey (your name), I need some advice. You: Ok, when life gives you lemons, you make me a sandwitch.
Girl: What about the lemons? You: Lemons? Who puts lemons on there sandwitch? You are wierd! GO MAKE ME MY SANDWITCH!!
0 , Turtle's Can Swim ! I Can Swim ! ThereFore I Am A Turtle :) !!

0 Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

0 I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

0 I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather … Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

0 We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

0 I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

0 Don’t take life too seriously, you won’t get out alive.

0 You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

0 I don’t care, I don’t have to.

0 Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

0 I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

0 I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin

0 A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach

0 If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

0 Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

0 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

0 I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

0 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

0 I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

0 Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

0 The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’

0 The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

0 You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

0 Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

0 What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

0 He who laughs last didn't get it.

0 After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

0 Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

0 I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

0 When Life gives you lemons, throw them at someone!

0 It takes a lot of brains to look as dumb as I do.

0 I sat back looking at the stars and began to think... where the hell is my roof...

0 When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how the **** you did it.

0 My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone.

0 The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

0 Do not take life too seriously; no on gets out alive.

0 Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

0 You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder, you get hit in the nuts, i bust a ******* gut.

0 I was going to take over the world, but I got distracted by something sparkly.

0 Life is like a pack of gum... I've yet to figure out why.

0 I don't have a dog... I eat my own homework. I'm not random, I just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

0 I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play Rock, Paper, Scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you *******!

0 Don't knock on death's door ring the bell and run he hates that.

0 While at hogwarts i wil not : ask harry if his scar sences are tingling.

0 While at hogwarts i wil not : sing off to see the wizard when sent to the headmasters office.

0 It takes 42 muscles to frown,28 muscles to smile,but only 4 muscles to reach out and slap someone.

0 Education is important, school however, is another matter.

0 Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls.

0 Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

0 You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.

0 Lead me not into temptation...I can find it myself.

0 Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

0 I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away.

0When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

0 Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

0 No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

0 I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

0 Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

0 Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

0 A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

0 There are people in Africa that can't afford sarcasm, and yet, you abuse it.

0 I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.

0 One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

0 Some people say, "I'm Ballin' not Stallin'" do they even know what it means? Ballin' means sexin', and Stallin' means you're stalking someone. Just telling
you what some words mean. ;]

0 Boys suck, girls blow ;]]

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong (amendum) Anything that goes wrong will do so with explosions

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog