Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls : Funny Life Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

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Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

f variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam. Johnny Carson

    We go through life thinking we’re invincible, but the truth is we’re totally vincible. That Seventies Show

    Go through life like a duck: Majestic on top, kicking like hell underneath. Anonymous

    Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes. William Gibson

    You can’t always control who walks into your life but, you CAN control which window you throw them out of… Unknown

    It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it’s called Life. Terry Pratchett

    Nobody dies a virgin life f***s us all. Kurt Cobain

    In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people’s home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm! Sean Morey

    I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. Jack Handey

    Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid. John Wayne

    I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know? Ernest Hemingway

    We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free. Bill Hicks

    Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, Life considers U-turns to be legal, in all jurisdictions. B.T. Henderson

    Life is always walking up to us and saying, ‘Come on in, the living’s fine,’ and what do we do? Back off and take its picture. Russell Baker

In the book of life, the answers aren’t in the back….. Charlie Brown

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.--- George Carlin

No one is listening until you fart. ~Author Unknown

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.--George Carlin

And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years. --- Abraham Lincoln

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat -----Lily Tomlin

Don’t look back, somebody might be gaining on you --- Satchel Paige

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred…..Woody Allen

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown

Don't let someone be a priority in your life when you are still an option in their life…unknown

No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.....George Carlin

Live every day as if it were your last, because one of these days, you’ll be right… unknown

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure. ~Murphy's Law

People who snore always fall asleep first. ~Author Unknown

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.--- Robert Frost

Never let yesterday use up too much of today.-- Will Rogers

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."…. Charles M Schulz

I think I've discovered the secret of life -you just hang around until you get used to it .--Charles M Schulz

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think... George Carlin

I want to die like my grandfather, peacefully, in his sleep. Not screaming, like the passengers in his car.--- unknown

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.-- Mark Twain

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.----Jack Buck

1. “Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.” –Murphy’s Law
2. “Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.” -Mignon McLaughlin
3. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” -Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
4. “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.” -Erma Bombeck
5. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” -Will Rogers
6. “Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.” -Unknown
7. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” -Zig Ziglar
8. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” -Abraham Lincoln
9. “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” -Bill McGlashen
10. ”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” -Unknown

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog