Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls : Funny Quotes On Life Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

Source:- Google.com.pk

1. ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” - Unknown
2. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - Will Rogers
3. “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz
4. ”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown
5. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll
6. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde
7. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, ‘Proverbs’ 17:28)
8. “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” - Unknown
9. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” - Albert Einstein
10. “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” - Unknown
11. “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” - Bill McGlashen
12. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” - Marilyn Monroe
13. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire
14. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain
15. “Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” - Unknown
16. ”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson
17. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson
18. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein
19. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers
20. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

Read more at http://www.lifed.com/top-100-funny-quotes-and-one-liners#RlP6raxFjjOwcm6w.99

1. ”How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell ‘BINGO!’” - Unknown

2. “When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” - Will Rogers

3. “Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.” - José Maria de Eça de Queiroz

4. ”Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong” - Unknown

5. “Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.” - Brian Gerald O’Driscoll

6. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go” - Oscar Wilde

7. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.” - Abraham Lincoln (paraphrase from the Bible, ‘Proverbs’ 17:28)

8. “The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.” - Unknown

9. “The hardest thing in the world to understand is income taxes.” - Albert Einstein

10. “I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.” - Unknown

11. “Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.” - Bill McGlashen

12. “Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” - Marilyn Monroe

13. “The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets” - Al McGuire

14. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.” - Mark Twain

15. “Why is the place you drive on is a parkway, and the place you park on is the driveway?” - Unknown

16. ”If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button.” - Sam Levenson

17. “If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” - Earl Wilson

18. “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” - Albert Einstein

19. “The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.” - Will Rogers

20. “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” - Steven Wright

22. ”Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.” - Unknown

23. “If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?” - Milton Berle

24. “I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.” - Unknown

25. “I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once.” - Unknown

26. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” - Robert Frost

27. “People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.” - Zig Ziglar

28. “I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” - Emo Philips

29. “A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” - Bob Hope

30. “A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.’” - The Maugles

31. “People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.” - Isaac Asimov

32. “Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?” - Barbra Streisand

33. “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” - Harry S. Truman

34. “We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.” - Unknown

35. “If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.” - Unknown

36. “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” - Jack Nicholson

37. “Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” - Woody Allen

38. “The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog