Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls : Funny Quote Of The Day Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog

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“If you feel like doing some work, sit down and wait…

The feeling does go away.”

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?"

~Scott Adams

“There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.”

~Cyrill Connolly

“Don’t ever wrestle with a pig.

You'll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.”

~Cole Yarborough

“If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy. But the mud will never get glovey.”

“If you need a helping hand, there is one at the end of your arm.”~Audrey Hepburn

“If you live to be a hundred. I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

~Winnie the Pooh

“If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.”~Earl Wilson

“What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?”

~Berlott Brecht

“The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money.”

~David Richerby

“In God we trust. All others bring data.”

~Dr. Edwards Deming

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life. Unless I buy something.”

~Jackie Mason

“I like work; it fascinates me, I can sit back and look at it for hours.”

~Jerome K. Jerome

“If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging.”

~Joe Martin

“In mathematics, you don’t understand things, you just get used to them.”

~Johann Von Neumann

“A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.”

~Joseph Stalin

“After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say: ‘I want to see the manager’.”

~William S. Burroughts

“A conclusion is the place where you get tired thinking.”

~Martin H. Fischer

“I never apologize. I'm sorry, but that’s just the way I am.”

~Homer Simpson

“Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately, it doesn’t seem to be working.”

“Why does the air force need expensive new bombers? Have the people we’ve been bombing over the years been complaining?”

~George Wallace

“Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.”

~Marie Von

“This sentence contradicts itself…

No actually it doesn’t.”

~Douglas Hofstadter

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.”

~Albert Einstein

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”

~Albert Einstein

“War isn't about dying for your country. It’s about making the other bastard die for his.”

“By the time you figure out all of life’s answers, they’ll change the questions.”

“It’s a mystery of parenthood that your son can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a stray, worm-riddled dog, share a piece of re-chewed gum from a kid with bronchitis and pick his nose and eat it on a regular basis, yet won't sit next to his sister because of ‘Girl Germs’.”

~Kathy Lette

1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???

Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr About Girls Wallpapers For Kids Tagalog